The Midwest Division Three Cross Country Conference Meet was this weekend, and it was sort of a mixed bag. Personally I ran the best race of my life, running a personal record of 26:54 and coming in 18th overall, but the team came in second. Usually second isn’t half bad, but Grinnell Cross Country has high standards, given our near-continuous thirty year winning streak. Maybe part of the blame is on me, since the pre-race speech might have riled people up in the wrong way.
So we’re the underdogs, right? Aren’t we the scrappy band of rebels standing up to the evil empire? We’ve seen these stories so often that it’s practically an instinct to slide ourselves into the roles of the good guys.
But come on! Stop lying to yourselves! WE ARE THE EVIL EMPIRE!
Because what kind of underdogs have thirty years of conference titles in their locker room? Admit it, we’re the entitled brats, the elitist scum, the low-down worthless arrogant bastards, and damnit, we’re proud of it!
Because here’s the thing: the commoners can’t govern themselves. This race is your divine right, so go on, take it, and crush the unlettered masses under the weight of your glory!
We run under a banner of scarlet and black, of darkness and blood, of plague and suffering and pain and death! None shall question our righteous tyranny!
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